One Wedding and a Cricket Match

Something to listen to whilst you read the blog...



I just can't believe that Dave Smurthwaite hasn't thought of it before.

He's set up a fantastic junior section of the club, a tremendous ladies team, and he's organised a brilliant coaching week for the kids this summer. All of this is helping to keep Corbridge Cricket Club thriving and the funds in a healthy state.

But Dave, there's an opportunity you've completely missed!...

...Weddings!

Last night, the marauding pack of abandoned children decided to conduct a wedding service, complete with vicar, congregation, bride and groom. The venue? Just beside the big white sight screen next to the pitch. The reception? In the clubhouse. The caterers? Well, the Angels of course - with their selection of fine home cooking - including, amongst other delicacies - spam quiche.

Something to bring to the next club meeting for consideration maybe (the weddings idea, Sally, not the spam quiche) - (I loved it by the way, please make it again!)

Running alongside the marriage of Sam and Jess, was a cricket match. The Corbridge Angels v Greenside. And despite the clapping, cheering and whooping of the congregation in the background, the Angels' concentration didn't falter. In fact, it could have been Prince William and Kate getting married, and no-one would have bothered looking over - the game was far more important!

Put into bat first by Greenside, me and Sal trooped out and were doing alright until both of remembered that we hadn't been run out all season. So we thought we'd give it a go. Sal went first, charging down the wicket like Braveheart before deciding against it and turning back - too late. Then a couple of overs later I decided I should also gallop like a loon for a run that was never a run - and bosh - out.

It was up to Chloe and Chomse to get us some runs. The two 'Ch's.'

Karen settled herself in beautifully and was soon piling on the singles and 2's steadily with some lovely shots. She moved her feet and she danced down the wicket. She even attempted a version of the 'Dilshan Scoop' (see below) where she turned 180 degrees and hit the ball after it had gone past - straight into the wicket keeper's face (thank God for helmets!) That shot has never ever been played before in the history of cricket - and so, it becomes the 'Chomse Wicket Keeper Killer Shot.'

 The Dilshan Scoop  - Good, but nowhere near as good as the Chomse Wicket Keeper Killer Shot.

Chloe meanwhile was doing great at the other end. Really looking the part, and would have scored a few 4's if Eddie hadn't made the boundary so darned big!

When Chloe was bowled, in went Jen......then out went Jen. Bloomin LBW again!

And so, with Mrs Chomse still surviving well, in went Andrea who did exceptionally well against some tricky bowling. At the end of the 20 overs, Karen had notched up a tremendous 19 runs - not out.

The grand total of 50-something wasn't massive though, so if we were going to win we had to be ultra sharp in the field and get some wickets! We had to BELIEVE!

It all started pretty well. Chloe got a wicket and Cheryl got a wicket - another 2 'Ch's' performing brilliantly.

The fielding really was fantastic - and Tishy's wicky-ing was excellent, but Greenside were still grabbing singles and the odd 4. It was getting harder to BELIEVE as the scoreboard ticked over.

Jen meanwhile, was playing her BEST EVER game in the field - diving, stopping, blocking, chucking etc, so when a big loopy hit came her way we all screeched 'CATCH!' in our heads.

It fell into her hands.

It fell out of her hands.

It fell back into her hands.

Then it fell out of her hands again.

But it was the BEST juggling act I have ever seen!

Greenside reached their total but we played on which gave everyone a chance to have a bit of a bowl.

It was a really good TEAM performance despite the fact we lost. We're all understanding the game a lot more, we're focused and determined. But I still think we need to have a bit more BELIEF in our ability as individuals and as a team!!

Thank you to the umpires and scorers and the huge number of supporters that we seem to be attracting these days. Its fabulous to have you there.

And as for the newlyweds, we wish you both a very happy future together... :-)

Corbridge 'Heyhoe' Angels

Its a long, lonely walk back to the clubhouse when you’ve just been caught out for a duck on the third ball of the game.

That stupid Hair Bear Bunch man from 10cc was singing in my head as I tucked my bat under my arm to begin the humiliating trudge back.

‘I don’t like cricket...oh no....I love it...’

‘Well actually Mr Dreadlock Holiday, you’re right – I don’t like cricket...in fact I hate it,’ I muttered, stomping past my cowering team mates.

 ‘I absolutely hate it,’ I snarled, throwing my bat onto my bag.

‘What a stupid bloody game,’ I cursed, chucking my gloves into the bag and ripping the Velcro on my pads. It made a satisfying noise – like today's page of the score book being torn out and shredded into little pieces.

Thank God no-one came along at that point to offer advice, like - 

‘You should always hit the ball along the ground...’

Because they may well have ended up with the rest of my kit – stuffed angrily into my sweaty bag, zipped up tight and hoyed in the boot of the car.

After the game, I wondered if this reaction to being ‘oot’ was normal.

Are you expected to just say ‘Oh dear, out again, jolly well bowled, and great catch...’ before skipping back to the clubhouse with a warm smile of affection for the game, for the opposition and for life itself...

I wondered, briefly, if Rachael Heyhoe Flint - the most famous of all England lady cricketers was really called Rachel Flint. Maybe her team mates added the 'Heyhoe,' due to her jolly sporting attitude when she was 'oot.'...'Heyhoe gals, out again, not to worry, better luck next time... '

Rachel Heyhoe Flint cheerfully taking her pads off after being
out for a duck on the third ball of the game.

So I googled 'Feeling very cross about being out in cricket,' and was relieved to see that some of the supercool stars of the cricketing world have been known to react badly.

Even Nasser gets mad

Nasser Hussein and Mark Ramprakash were both known as dressing room destroyers. Hussein once put his fist through a wooden locker door (and couldn't get it out again) and Ramprakash bashed his team-mate's  helmet around the changing rooms with his bat until the grille was completely buckled and mangled.

Even the calm, and somewhat dull Michael Atherton kicked a set of weighing scales so hard that he broke his big toe.

They were all very cross about being 'oot.'

So I don't feel so bad now. Being cross about being 'oot' is normal. And at least I didn't smash anything.  I had a bit of a rant, but then thought 'Heyhoe' and went back outside to support my team mates....

...who, one by one, slowly trudged off to that familiar tune in their heads -  'I don't like cricket....'

We were playing Hexham Leazes, and, put into bat first, were heading for an almighty whopper of rubbish score.

Last lady in for us was our captain. If ever there was a match when we needed her to give that little red ball a damned good thumping, it was NOW.

'Whack! Whack! Thwhack!'

Thank the Lord! The score soon soared into the 30's - and we were saved from total humiliation.

Sadly, it didn't take too long for Leazes to notch up the winning runs, but not before THE CATCH OF THE CENTURY. 

Debbie, placed strategically in that deep-mid-on-hooky-nooky position near the river, watched the ball sail high and long into the air before calmly getting two firm, safe hands around it. Totally brilliant. 

After Leazes got the runs they needed, we were treated to something their umpire called a 'beer' game. Except there wasn't any beer. Just more....cricket.

All in all, apart from our captain and Chomse's partnership, Debbie's catch and the very delicious tea afterwards, it was a disappointing afternoon...

...BUT!!! the changing rooms are intact. All the windows have glass in them, the helmets are in one piece and Henry Hoover is still alive....just.

Because, 'Heyhoe,' Angels, there's always Greenside on Wednesday.... :-)

Dive Bombs and Fizz Bombs

Here's a little song to play whilst you read the blog...



Thank God for Slogger Sal.

When Sally's in, you can lean on your bat like a little old lady with a walking stick, knowing that no running will be required. You can catch your breath, and watch with confidence, knowing that she will do one of the following things -

1 - Smack the ball beautifully for 4 - not just the hooky shot thing, but all around the pitch, sending fielders to plodge around in the nettles, the caravan park, Daisy's garden, the rugby club house, the railway line, river...

...OR, she'll

2 - SWISH!!!......and miss

OR, she'll even

3 - Play a lovely defensive shot. You can almost hear the 'devil' in Sal's head shouting 'Whack it Sally! Go on man just give it another whack!' She listens to him for a fraction of a second, lining herself up for another swipe, but then Sally's angel interupts 'Nooooooo, Sally! What the bloody hell are you doin' man! Defend! Defend!' and then phew! she listens and does it - just in the nick of time. You can almost hear the sigh of relief from the crowd back at the clubhouse.

but then, sometimes there can also be the

4 - SWISH!...miss......P-linky linky tink.

BUT these days, its usually after a BIG score - and Sal was really unlucky last night with ANOTHER full toss dive bomber ball that fell from the sky with a direct hit onto the stumps - just when she was starting to get the other team worried - REALLY worried!

The dive bombers just keep getting wor Sal!

She was disappointed and I was gutted. The little old lady would have to start doing some running...

It was the Corbridge Angels v Stocksfield 2nds game.

Young Northumberland county squad v's 6 creaky old ladies (one with feverish plague-like symptoms) and the 2 young lasses, wor Chloe and wor Jen.

Stocksfield were all set to thrash us as usual, and we were all set to be thrashed.

We fielded first. The bowling wasn't the greatest ever, but Cheryl still managed to do well despite being on the point of death. Loopy Sewell and Chloe the Rocket both claimed a Stocksfield scalp each.

Then - our captain stepped up, and with Kazza ready and waiting at mid-on-half-point-silly-slip-deep-mid-off-point-wicket, the Stocksfield lass hit it high up the air. 'Catch it!' yelled the captain in an encouraging but rather desperate voice.

Kazza was never going to drop it. She had her specs on, she has the safest hands in the team. She is the 'Catching Chomse.'

Sure enough she took it well, and then ANOTHER one a short while later. FABULOUS, and 2 wickets to Mrs Tiff! Get in!

Meanwhile, wor Kerry behind the stumps did a fantastic job, and didn't let a single ball (apart from the wides!) go past her!

By the end of their innings, Stocksfield had reached 100 runs for 4 wickets.

Time for Slogger Sal and Steady Scottie.

Things were looking great, until the dive bomber ball that got Sally out for 20.

In trooped the reinforcements - Chloe first - and WHAT an innings! Some lovely defensive shots, a great 4 and some lovely singles. The BEST we've seen yet of our canny youngster with the bat!

During our partnership, I managed to hit the ball hard for once - but it sailed right up in the air towards one of their fielders. Once again I could hear the intake of breath from the gathering crowds at the clubhouse. When she dropped it,  a most unlady-like cheer rang out, led by my partisan husband. So unsporting, but so lush.

When Mrs Captain came in, she had to trudge off 2 balls later - oot to a very tricky ball.  I could hear the umpire muttering as he replaced the bails. 'Aal that bloody practice, shockin', just shockin. She's gonna be telt mind. Shockin'.' 

Catching Chomse was up next, and put in a decent performance - we grabbed the singles when we could and kept the score board ticking over steadily.

With Chomse oot next, in came Death-bed Durkin. Once again, we managed a few runs before Cheryl was caught by their wicky.

There were only a couple of overs left, and in came wor Jen.

'Listen to the call,' I said, 'we're going to try and run every ball.'

'Ok,' she agreed, 'no problem.'

Jen was facing. The bowler pitched it right up and the ball was heading straight for the stumps. She got her bat on it and the ball trickled safely away - 3 inches down the wicket.

'RUN!' I yelled, charging towards her like a wild bison. Cheers again from the crowd. No LBW this time. Jen had her first run of the season! Woohoo!

I caught Eddie out of the corner of my eye - he was swinging a bat around madly, demonstrating how I should now be whacking the ball. It really made me laugh.

We tried, but we just couldn't reach their score. However, with an impressive 87 runs, we were SO close, and we really gave them a proper scare.

By the time my innings was over and my helmet removed, I looked like a strawberry fizz-bomb. (Remember them?) But I had just run the equivalent of 925.372 metres dressed in a michelin man outfit whilst dying for a wee....

Fizz bombs, for those of you who don't remember...

I bloody loved it. And it was the BEST team performance we've put in yet.

Thank you to our ever-growing army of supporters. I'm glad we gave you such a good game to watch! Thank you to Aaron, Steve and our pal Chris Catnach.

Lovely tea as ever. Can't wait to see you all at Greenside on Monday. Hopefully my legs will have recovered by then...

Hells Angels v The Fossils

When Tynemouth were clearly too scared to come and face the Angels on our home ground in the tropical heat, our captain decided to involve the Angel blokes in a 'friendly' game instead.

The teams were mixed - with husbands and wives and dads and daughters batting together. A chance to witness some decent domestic strife! But no - it was GREAT FUN - not too many scraps at all!

Thank you to the 2 young umpires. (Sorry Matthew, but Aaron definitely won in the 'quickest draw' competition.) Thank you Dave for being Tishy's husband for a while, and thank you all for the lovely family tea afterwards.

Debbie - the photos are fantastic - thanks for capturing this lovely afternoon in pictures...