Get Carter

I didn't hear the gunshot.

All was deathly quiet at Wylam's cricket ground. The evening sun stretched long shadows on the pitch, and several ladies in white stood like Greek statues all around me as I waited for Shelagh's next deadly, plum ball.

'Lets have some Carter magic!' came a little cry as she stepped up to bowl.

Then it happened. With an agonising cry, she dropped to the ground clutching her right leg.

'My God she's been shot!' I muttered, and quickly scanned around the field looking for the sniper.

The statues came to life and rushed across to their ailing team mate, who was writhing in pain on the ground. I could see that she was still alive, but there was no blood.

'Ahhhh me leg, ahhhhhh!' she was howling, as she rolled around helplessly.

Thankfully, a first aider was on the scene, and it soon became clear that it wasn't a bullet that had sent Shelagh crashing to the ground like a tower from the demolition of Blyth Power Station. It was a little muscle in her calf that had just 'gone.'

15 minutes of massage later, and the brave warrior of Wylam's team finally managed to get to her feet to rapturous applause from the crowd.

'I think you should go off,' suggested a team mate.

'I'll be alright,' she hobbled, determined to get revenge on me for getting her out previously with an LBW. 'I'll just bowl without me run up.'

And she did. 'It's like playing against the Care Home 11,' their wicket keeper said, as Shelagh limped up to bowl.

But she was still as deadly, and after a canny start with the bat, 'Catcher Chomse' soon became her latest victim.

We still managed to reach our target to WIN the game, however, which was largely down to the UNBELIEVABLE bowling attack, that is now sending shivers down the spines of every player in the league.

Here's what they'll be saying -

'Have you played Corbridge yet?'


'They're the ones that are really crap aren't they? The pie chuckers that don't have a clue?'


'Aye, well watch oot. They've got some awesome bowlers. A young lass called Chloe that bowls at 100 mph, and a lass called Cheryl. She got 3 wickets at Wylam and went for just 4 runs!'


'Eh?!!!'


'Aye, and there's this kid called Jen. She sends these loopy balls down and you think to yourself that you're gonna smash it, but then all of a sudden it drops in front of your feet and you're left dancing around whilst the stumps and bails go flying.'


'Blimey!'

'And that Jen, well, she's got 5 wickets already this season, and whatever stat you look at in the league she's at the top or near the top!'


'Bloomin heck!'


'AND, they've got more than one wicky. Last night, they had this lass from Matfen - Tishy you called her. Only let ONE go past. She was amazing. AND, she'd never done it before!'


'Eh?!!'


'Aye. So I've warned you. Don't think your going turn this lot over, cause they're pretty good.....'

2 wins girls! How does that sound!

Thank you Jen's dad for stepping in as umpire and being almost braver than the warrior herself by giving her oot LBW! And to Aaron for scoring. Bit of a shorter shift than usual last night!

And thanks also to our dear cricket buddy Ms Carter who thankfully wasn't shot after all! I'm sorry we had a bit of a laugh at your expense so by all means get your own back at the next game!